To do: Determine your pregnancy medical preferences
That person you see once a year for a pap smear is probably a lovely person. But when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, your needs and wants may have changed - and you’re probably not 22 anymore, or whatever age it was when you started to see your current doctor. Or, maybe you’ve moved and need to find a new practice anyway, or your doctor is retiring, or no longer delivers babies, or has decided to close their practice when you’re 32 weeks pregnant (true story).
Regardless, this is the time to take stock of what you’re looking for when it comes to how you want to be treated over the next several months, and what matters to you in the person who will be on the receiving end! Here are some questions to get you going - and remember, a doctor or midwife is a service provider and you are the client - so hold them to the same standard you hold other people to in your life. If you wouldn’t want your hair stylist trying to convince you to get bangs, would you want your doctor to try to convince you of something you’re not sure of? Just food for thought!
Are you high risk?
Are you high maintenance? I mean this in the best possible way, but if you’re someone who has very high expectations and requires a very high-touch experience, be honest with yourself now so you’re not dealing with disappointment over your birth story for years to come.
What type of availability are you looking for from your practitioner? Not just office hours (do keep that in mind if you anticipate conflicts with your work schedule), but what about questions that may come up at night or on the weekend?
Do you already have a preference or bias towards/against a type of practitioner, midwife or obstetrician? If you feel strongly about not having a C-section unless absolutely necessary, or an episiotomy, ask for their C-section rate and episiotomy percentages.
Do you know the type of setting you want for your birth - hospital, birth center, home? Option to deliver in a bath tub (many hospitals offer this), or you know that’s not for you? If possible, look at websites or take tours to get a sense of what the environment has to offer you.
What’s your pain tolerance? Do you already know you’re going to want an epidural and/or drugs, or are you considering minimal interventions?
Is it important to you to see the same doctor at every appointment? Do you need to know the person who delivers the baby? Consider the size of the practice and their ability to really get to know each person.
How much personal modification do you expect in your care? Do you think you’ll need some accommodations? For example, a doctor who’s willing to deliver while you have a doula, or a doctor who is willing to allow you to deliver squatting, or a doctor who is willing to do a few standard appointments via telemedicine?
What do you expect from the office staff and the environment? Does it matter to you if you’re sitting around the waiting room for awhile - because the doctor is taking the time with another patient - or do you want a very strict schedule?
Does the practitioner have a good reputation? Lurk or post in a Facebook group, or ask for a recommendation. Ask girlfriends for the good/bad/ugly from their experience. Note - due to privacy concerns, usually an office can’t give you the name/phone number of another patient, but when you ask the question, you’ll get a good sense from how they respond.
With this information in mind, decide whether or not you want to find (or interview) a new option for your pregnancy care!
To do: Join (and lurk) in the Facebook groups
If you're on Facebook, you know that it has pros, cons, and plenty of crazy - however, it's actually a decent place to find local recommendations for things like doctors, hospitals, birthing centers, nanny/childcare options, kid-friendly restaurants, you name it. The only caveat I have before joining any group is to ensure the group is private (check your settings and the group settings), assuming you don't want people to see you joined the group before you're ready to discuss your pregnancy. You may also want to refrain from posting in the group until you've told your "Tier 1" and "Tier 2" just in an abundance of caution. Remember that Facebook isn’t anonymous, but there’s plenty you can glean from reading other women’s questions and the various responses!
To discuss: Who to tell, and when
When should I tell people that I’m pregnant?
You've got the positive pregnancy test in hand, and the secret is tormenting you? Have a quick conversation with your partner. The things to discuss are WHEN and the WHO - you don't need to decide on the HOW yet.
When do you both want to share the happy news? Many people wait until after the first doctor appointment, which confirms pregnancy (more on the first appointment soon). If you're a more private person and wouldn't want to share news of a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage, even with close family, then you should wait until the 12-week point, when the liklihood is lower. Honestly, when you share the news is up to you - but make sure you and your partner are on the same page! If you’ve had any slips on being a “united front” in front of friends and family, now is the time to rededicate yourself to the cause, before bebe is around!
When it comes to the WHO, I recommend a tiered approach, and you can have the discussion about the tiers now.
Tier 1 = close family/friends who you'd also be willing to share news of something going wrong.
Tier 2 = your next layer of friends/family - people who were (or would be) in your wedding is a good starting point, extended family, anyone who would be offended to hear the news from anyone else. Your employer likely falls in this group.
Tier 3 = Everyone else, including people who you won't go out of your way to tell, but who might find out from an aunt, for example.
Discuss this with your partner, and make a check-list (I recommend making a note in your phone). Save the check-list because you'll need it again when it's time to alert people that your little bundle has arrived!
To do: Download apps
A quick search of the app store and you already know there are tons of pregnancy-related apps, everything for monitoring your pregnancy to timing contractions. Trial-and-error will reveal your favorites, but in the interest of time, let me just tell you to download Ovia. It’s comprehensive, the interface is pretty and intuitive, and it has the ability to give you a download of the data you have stored, which is helpful for future pregnancies if you want to look back to remind yourself when you felt that first kick. The calendar is super clear, and it doesn’t annoy you with too many ads or bizarre social content. Give it a try and let me know what you think in the comments!
To buy: Pregnancy nausea cures
You may not need it, but if you do, it's nice to have a few things on hand for when/if the feeling hits - and it’s not just morning sickness, it can be any time in the day, and even all day. If you’re looking for more info, here’s a quick and comprehensive read. I recommend a tea (get used to tea - it's going to be around a lot throughout your pregnancy), some hard candies, and honestly, trial and error to figure out what makes you feel better and what your triggers are. For me, the tea and sucking on the ginger candies does the trick, along with having a bowl of Cheerios in the morning to have some food in my stomach. I've had friends swear by the wristbands, but I've never needed to use them - but including in case you want to give it a try! A few additional favorites for tea, candy, and what appears to be the big daddy of wristbands may be useful to have ready so you’re not waiting for stuff to arrive, and to figure out what works best for you - but you may be one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have morning sickness, so you can also wait to see.
Serious morning sickness - throwing up, losing weight, inability to function - obviously warrants a chat with your doctor, and there are stronger remedies available through your care provider.
To do: Order and take prenatal vitamins
You’ve probably heard that you need to take prenatal vitamins every day while pregnant (and even postpartum). If you need further convincing, a quick Google search or this article will help. But if you do a quick peek on Amazon, there are tons to choose from - and to be honest, any prenatal is better than no prenatal. But how do you select the right prenatal for you? It depends on what you’re looking for, and you may need to try a few varieties to figure out what works best for you - some women have indigestion from prenatals on an empty stomach. Again, the most important thing is to take every day. To that end, I find that actually setting the vitamins aside in an organizer helps - put it in your kitchen so you take your vitamins while you’re eating. I’m also always on the lookout for chic pill cases for my purse - so if you happen to be a great vintage shopper, send links my way!
So, for prenatal recommendations - if you’re going to have a hard time taking them daily, and/or have a sensitive stomach, try gummies. They’re tasty and easy to get down.
If you’re looking for something with iron - which is important if you don’t get a lot of iron in your diet, but as always, connect with your doctor - try these from NatureMade. The capsule itself is easy enough to get down, and it’s a comprehensive multi-vitamin.
If a vegan formula is important to you, along with the look of your shelf, Ritual is the way to go. More expensive, but a fan favorite, and a completely traceable supply chain.
Now order, and set a reminder in your phone, or put in that organizer, and stick with it!